How To Be Happy: 5 Things You Forgot from Kindergarten
I used to ask a friend of mine, someone very close to me, someone whose opinion and insights have always meant more to me than most, someone who I hope I may have in some way taught as much as I learned from–I used to ask her on occasion what it was that she most wanted out of life. The first couple times I asked this she answered the same way. She said, “I want to be happy.”
I cannot tell you how that used to drive me crazy, simply because of what I interpreted as its lack of precision, its lack of–I don’t know–worldliness. I would grumble, as I was wont to do in those days, and I would say something akin to “Of course, you want to be happy. Everybody wants to be happy. Hitler wanted to be happy. But there is more to life, you know? Don’t you want to discover some new species of plant or find a solar system no one has ever seen or paint a masterpiece?”
It is okay to be happy! In fact, it is your entirely up to you to be happy!
Then one afternoon this young woman of whom I am so fond that I call her God’s little gift of sunshine looked up from her food at the restaurant where we were having lunch and seemingly out of the blue smiled at me and said, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being happy.”
She was right.
She often is.
My question had bugged her just as her answer had bugged me and neither bug had quite managed to let go.
And for some reason at that exact moment I flashed on the cover of that book by Robert Fulghum: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.(https://bit.ly/3rbeDmX)
It started out like this: “All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.” And it ended like this: “And it is still true, no matter how old you are–when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”
Personal responsibility and accountabilty
I remember other admonitions from that book, that book first published in 1986, so long ago and far away. He wrote:
- Share everything.
- Play fair.
- Don’t hit people.
- Put things back where you found them.
- Clean up your own mess.
- Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Do those things equate with that seemingly fleeting commodity we call happiness? I believe they can.
I have forgotten which number this next one was, but I suspect it may have been the real keynote of the book: “Live a balanced life — learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”
Let’s talk self contained joy!
What does that mean, I remember wondering at the time. Truth is, it can mean different things to different people.
But throughout the years since I first thought about it, I have come to think of that balance as a form of self-contained happiness.
I like that expression: self-contained happiness.
Most of the time that balance, that sense of happiness comes from some form of spiritual self-care. A smart person named Rachelle Williams wrote about that subject a while back. (https://bit.ly/3eT1LMj)
Now Ms Williams is a mighty smart woman and my impression is that she is not only living her own version of a balanced life but that she is happy doing it.
I said all that to say this: She has developed ten spiritual self-care tips and I’d enjoy sharing them with you now.
Spiritual self care tips and practices to assist you to be happy every single day
- Practice yoga. Yoga is about more than a rainbow mat and sweatpants. Yoga is a means of bringing the mind, body and spirit into harmony. The practice of yoga actually enables a less judgmental, more accepting and tolerant set pf life choices.
- Meditation. The fact is that meditation is easy, it is accessible, and the rewards include stress reduction and clearer connections to what you are and what you want, especially if what you want is happiness.
- Mindful walking. Walking is a unique activity that permits us to pause our lives and exist in the present moment. Fresh air, the feel of the pavement, the smell of the grass and trees all nourish the senses in ways that nothing else can do.
- Clear your space. Whether it’s the power of scent to uplift or the intention of clearing negative energy, it works.
- Connect with the community. As Aristotle said, “The only beings that can live alone are monsters and gods.” I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you are neither of those. In that event, the exchange of ideas, the laughter, the camaraderie have rewards beyond the obvious. They can help us to persevere.
- Journaling. Yes, to journal is now a verb. Journaling is another way to tap into the deep recesses of your mind and heart. The act of writing sifts and processes thoughts and emotions. Problems, worries, and negative emotions can crowd the mind and dampen your spirit. Get it all down on paper and see what happens.
- Read inspiring material. Everyone has their own idea of what that sentence means. For some people, it might mean a Holy book. For others, it could mean an instruction manual. Williams cites a few fine examples: The Four Agreements by Don Migiel Ruiz; Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chodron; The Joy of Living by Eric Swanson; and The Ten Commitments by David Simon.
- Be in nature. Take time as often as you can to spend time in nature, even if it’s just a few minutes sitting by a tree.
- Unplug from technology. There is a great scene in the TV show “Curb Your Enthusiasm” where Larry David loses his Blackberry phone with all his contacts in it. Naturally, Larry freaks out for the sake of the episode. But how many of us have perhaps silently yearned for a time when we did not feed our addiction to Facebook or our smartphones. The good news is we can, every day, at least for a brief time. The rewards are amazing.
- Practice forgiveness. “I get burned, therefore I am.” Welcome to the world. Much energy is diverted to maintaining a grudge or similar when that energy could instead be directed toward creating the life you want. There are techniques to help you through this process; the freedom and lightness you will feel can be life changing.
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